i miss home

pittsburgh is one lonely place. sometimes it really gets to me. i'm so far away from everyone i know. i didn't have a ton of friends to begin with... and now that i live 250 miles away, it's even harder to stay in touch. 


the only time i talk to my mom is on facebook. and half the time, she seems annoyed with me. i think she is really bitter about my move. still. we used to be pretty close, but not so much anymore. Eden doesn't even really know my parents. that's extremely depressing to me. they probably won't be around a lot longer. so, i feel like the longer she doesn't know them, the worse it is. she gets to see Ray's parents at least twice a month, if not more. and every time... i think about how my parents could have bonded with her. but they haven't. because they don't know her. 


then i think about how close Lynzie and Lillie were with my dad. he loved taking them on walks, and feeding them tons of candy... they would spend hours drawing on the sidewalk with chalk. one of Lynzie's first words was "coco" because he always made her hot chocolate when she visited- in the summer he would make it with cold water. (yuck. but she loved it.) i know he misses that. i know the girls do too. i feel really guilty about moving the kids away.

 my dad, giving the girls candy.

Lynzie- age 4 & Lillie- age 2

the girls loved sitting on grandpa's motorcycle.

 my dad- lifting Lillie to see in the fountain. 

and the support. i miss the support. there was always someone around to help out. if i needed to go to the doctor, i just took the kids to my parents' house. it was that easy. can't do that anymore. we have no one here. it's always a big production and kid-juggling if we need to get something done. i hate it. it's easier to just stay home and not do anything.


my sister had finally moved back to west virginia in 2007. we actually became really close. a lot closer than we ever were before. she was definitely one of my best friends. now, i'm lucky if i hear from her once a month. i hate that i wasn't there for all her "mom" questions through her first pregnancy. i hate that i'm missing my nephew growing up. every time i see him, he seems so much bigger! 

 my sister and i, on "80's night".

the one thing i don't miss is the place i lived. i don't miss my house. not one bit. i don't miss the city. it sucked. i like pittsburgh. i just wish it didn't feel so lonely.