rainbow update

i didn't think this day would ever get here. i originally had an appointment scheduled at 11 weeks for the OB to listen for baby's heartbeat, and schedule our NT screening. i had to reschedule that appointment for today, which is 13 weeks.

we saw baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks, on an ultrasound. we were also warned by the perinatal specialist that "25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage before 12 weeks". so, that's been in the back of my mind, stressing me out for a few weeks now. i had never heard my baby's heartbeat, and now i could be told there was no heartbeat. i was physically sick this morning while getting ready for my appointment.

finally, it was 8:30, and time to see the OB. she told me that today was the last day for the NT screen, so if i wanted it done, i had to do it. i told her i had to be at work by 10, and she said she would see what she could do to get us in quickly. but, first, she wanted to listen for the baby's heartbeat. so, she listened... and she listened... and nothing happened. no heartbeat. she said she wasn't going to search for very long, because we were going to have the ultrasound anyway. so, she scheduled my ultrasound, and sent me on my way saying "if something is wrong, you can come back. otherwise, i will see you in 4 weeks."

if something is wrong?!?  on the way to the ultrasound building, i looked at the paper she had given me (because i'm nosey like that). i felt sick. it said "if positive fetal HR, please do NT". that was one heavy "if".

ray talked while we waited to be called for the ultrasound. i don't remember now what he was talking about (sorry ray) but i do remember thinking will this be the conversation we have right before finding out we lost another baby?

finally the nurse called my name, and we went back. she started the ultrasound and asked "did the doctor have trouble finding the heartbeat?" oh crap. she's stalling. there is no heartbeat. "yes." then she said "well the baby is fine. it's moving all over... annnnnd.... there's the heartbeat!" she pushed a button, and the room filled with the sound of our baby's little beating heart. that was one happy and healthy 161 beats per minute! i tried not to cry, but a couple tears slipped out. i have never felt so relieved in my entire life.

she continued the ultrasound, and took measurements. she showed us the baby's feet, with cute little toes. and the baby kicked and rolled the entire time. we got a dvd with a few short clips of the baby moving, which i will hopefully upload soon, but not tonight. (i'm too tired.)

baby's feet! 

they're a little blurred, due to all the dancing around this kid was doing.

toes are to the left; heels to the right. see them?

i remember thinking at Carli's NT screen that she looked weird. she looked different from my other babies. we didn't know at the time, that anything was wrong with her. i brushed off my thoughts. i had never had an NT screen, and had never seen an ultrasound at 12 weeks. i figured that's why she looked weird.

after Carli's diagnosis, i thought back to that first ultrasound. i never asked a doctor if any of it was related. but, in that ultrasound, she looked stiff. she didn't move much (just her hand). and there was more "dark" space around her (amniotic fluid). those were just my observations, and no medical professional seemed to think anything of it. so, i let it go.

with this baby, it looked more "normal" to me. the baby was kicking and squirming. it was perfectly curled into the fetal position. the space around the baby looked more proportioned to its size. again- not a professional medical opinion- just my observation. i feel good about this pregnancy. we aren't out of the scary part yet, but i take comfort in knowing some things are different this time. hopefully that turns out to be a good thing.

this is Carli's NT screen at 12 weeks 6 days:

this is the new baby's NT screen at 13 weeks 4 days:

does anyone else see the differences i'm talking about? or am i crazy?