work...

last week, i talked to my boss. she seemed anxious to have me back at work. she was being nice but pushy at the same time. she asked how everything went, how i was doing, etc... but she also mentioned that if i didn't get back to work soon, she would have to "reassign my clients". ugh. in other words, "come back now, or you're going to work some really crappy cases, because we can't fire you." 

i managed to work out a compromise. (okay, i lied) i told my boss that my babysitter wouldn't watch Eden until she was 6 weeks old. but, i could still work my evening case, because ray would be home to watch the kids. in reality, i'm just paying the babysitter an hourly rate to watch Eden from about 3:00 to 4:30. i really like my evening client, and i don't want to lose the case... but i'm not ready to go back to all the hours i was working. i'm an emotional mess. work would make that worse. i'm trying to breastfeed, and if i'm gone all day with nowhere to pump... i don't see that working out. Eden needs me right now.


so, when i first made the compromise, i was excited. i really really like my job. i like the clients, especially my evening one. (i'm not supposed to have favorites... but i do. shh!) i was excited to get back and see him, and get our therapy sessions back to where they should be. (his therapist while i was gone did a lot of damage- yay for regression!)


on sunday... not so excited. afternoon yesterday... panicking. i spent my last few minutes with Eden, before the babysitter came. i cried on and off. i really didn't want to leave her, but i kept telling myself i would be back in less than 4 hours, and she would be fine. that didn't help. when i handed her over to the babysitter, she cried. she was fussing when i left. i felt horrible. 


the whole time i was at the client's house, i was thinking about Eden, and trying not to cry. and, of course, the family wanted to hear all about my baby and delivery... and i'm trying to answer questions without crying. 

therapy went well. i really do like that kid. i'm glad my first day back was with him. if it were my other case, i would have been much worse- since i pretty much hate the location. an added bonus last night- since the kid has regressed, therapy didn't go as long as it should have. (bonus for me - not him.) he decided he was done after an hour and a half, and we are supposed to work for 3 hours. oh well. better luck next time. :)


Eden was sleeping when i got home. ray and the babysitter both told me she did fine... but i know she must have cried a ton. i fed her before i left. she shouldn't have been hungry again until 5:30 at the earliest. she had a bottle while i was gone. so, i know she was crying... otherwise they wouldn't have thought she was hungry. plus, she slept like a log for hours after i got home. she was  obviously exhausted. poor baby.


everything seemed to work out. i think it's going to take a while for me to be totally okay about leaving her... but it could have been a lot worse. i'm just glad all the kids survived while i was gone. :)

i really missed my baby bear.