mother's day

i hope everyone had a good mother's day. i know for a lot of women (particularly the ones who have lost children or who have trouble conceiving) it is more difficult than happy. my goal, as with any holiday, is to just get through the day without crying. i did pretty well this year.


last year was so horrible. we were still navigating the beginning stages of grief. we didn't know yet that i was pregnant with Eden. several people around us had recently announced pregnancies, which were difficult to hear, and created such a mix of emotions. mother's day was a day that i just wanted to sleep away.


this year was not so bad. of course, i thought about Carli. do i even need to say that anymore? sometimes i feel like my blog is so redundant. anyway... having Eden is extremely healing. she cannot and will not ever take Carli's place. but, she's like a band-aid on a huge wound. she's not making the wound go away, but she is protecting it while it heals. and, despite the band-aid, there will always be a scar. i think Eden made mother's day a bit more tolerable. Eden makes my whole life a bit more tolerable.


so, about my day- we pretty much hung out around the house. the kids slept in (even Eden!) and ray and i made french toast for breakfast.in the evening, we went to ray's sister's house to have dinner with everyone (ray's sister, her husband, their kids and ray's parents). it was all very uneventful. that's how i like things. :)


when i got home, i saw my mom had posted on facebook:
"I love all my kids, they are the best! Amanda, Natalie, Jamie, Carolyn, J.D., Willy, and Katie. They make being a Mom easy. I love all my grandchildren that my children have given me too. Jake, Abby, and Caleb, Daniel and Stephen, Mallori and Mae, Jimmy, Evy, Savannah, Lillie, and Eden - and all my future grandchildren too."


*sigh* she did it again. she didn't include Carli. this time though, i didn't cry. i didn't feel the need to say anything. i guess i'm getting apathetic about it. it hurts, but what can i do? i can't make people care about/remember Carli. i remember her. i guess that's all i can worry about. 


it did get me thinking... at what point can you expect someone to remember your baby? how old does the baby have to be to earn a "place" in the family? i feel another post topic coming on...