frustration and paranoia

so i had my first pittsburgh appointment today. let me give a brief history of how this appointment came to be. i got all stressed out last week because Eden wasn't moving as much as she had been. so, i called the ob office i had chosen after careful internet research. i attempted to make an appointment there, but they decided i needed to go into the city to the women's hopsital, and see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist.

so i stressed my way through the weekend, and most of this week. i do not like going to see specialists. i think they must be bad luck. i managed to make it through the waiting room, without too much of an anxiety attack. i finally met the doctor, only to find out she was new to maternal-fetal medicine. i don't mind student nurses. i don't mind doctors in their residency. but, when i come to see a specialist... i want to see someone on the brink of retirement. i want to see someone with at least 30 years of experience in the field. not someone full of "maybe" and "possibility" and "i'll double check".


the doctor was nice. i will say that much. she was also very thorough- which freaked me out. she told me my uterus was crooked. i don't even know what that means. i've never been told that before. i've heard of "tipped" but never crooked. so, that's a little weird. she also told me that Eden is too small. she said i needed to be evaluated for "poor fetal girth". poor? i don't want to hear the word poor. nothing about my pregnancy has been described as "poor" so far. why now? (and thus my freaking out) we listened to Eden's heart, which was 140 bpm. that's normal, and healthy. the doctor must have asked me 100 times if i was "feeling any fetal movement". i told her i was, and by about the 5th time she asked i said "yes. pretty consistently since about 17 weeks." i don't know why she asked me so many times. i wanted to shake her. we just heard the heartbeat! why would i not feel movement? we know she is still alive! what are you hinting at?


so, after the resident doctor checked with the attending doctor, they both agreed i should come see a high-risk doctor next week. i thought that's what i was doing THIS week! apparently they aren't actually specialists... just hoping to become a specialist. aka- a waste of my time.


so next thursday, i have another anatomy scan. yeah, that's right. this will be my third one. i have an appointment with the high-risk doctor, and i have an appointment for my glucose test. it will be a very busy, stressful day. *sigh*