i still miss her

the past few days have really sucked. all i seem to think about is Carli. 
two of Ray's friends are due to have babies in a few days. both friends told us about their pregnancies while i was still carrying Carli. when these friends had first found out their babies were coming- before they knew what they were having, before they could feel kicks, before they saw a heartbeat... i had Carli still with me. still fighting. still very much alive. i think the realization that those babies are almost here, makes me see just how long it has been since i had Carli. a half a year.it doesn't even seem like it has been that long.


it seems that everyone around me has basically forgotten Carli... which is the worst part. it has been long enough now that we don't get cards in the mail. no one calls to ask how we are doing. no one even gives me that sympathy look anymore; which i didn't like anyway... but now... i just wish someone would make her seem real again. i don't want anyone to forget she was here.


then on the other hand, i don't really know what i expect people to do. wouldn't it be strange to talk about Carli every single time i saw someone? i just wish i had a way to remind people she was here, and i still really miss her.


maybe it's all the new babies. maybe it's the rain. maybe it's the stress. i feel so alone. this really sucks.