heaven is for real

i finished reading heaven is for real two days ago, and have not stopped thinking about it. i've rewritten this post more than a few times. so much to think about; so much to say.


i first heard about this book in my online support group. the women there seemed to like it, but i wasn't particularly interested in buying it. then, Ray's mom gave it to me, and said that someone (don't remember who) had read it and it made them think of me. "because the woman in the story also lost a baby". oh. well, okay. 

anyway- the story is told by the father of a little boy (colton) who claims to have visited heaven. colton has emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix, and spends 3 minutes in heaven (but never dies during the operation). over the months and years following the surgery, colton begins to give little details of his trip. all the while, his dad (an evangelical pastor) relates everything his boy says to scripture to prove the story must be true. it's not maybe true. it's not kinda true. it is absolutely 100% true.


in the three minutes he spends in heaven, colton gets to meet jesus, god, john the baptist, his miscarried sister, and his great grandpa. he also has time to witness the armageddon battle between good and evil and spend some time sitting on jesus' lap for a few life lessons. time in heaven does not equal time on earth, apparently. because, 3 minutes allowed him to do quite a bit. this tells me that eternity is incredibly slow-moving. (which is depressing... i'll get to that later.)


so how do we find heaven? well, it's conveniently decorated just how a 3 year old would imagine it. huge pearly gates, lots of colors, streets of gold... people with wings... you're out of luck if you want to sit down, though. there are only two chairs in heaven. one for god. one for jesus. but, really, who would want to sit down if we all get wings?


we've found heaven, now how do we get in? well, according to colton, it's pretty easy. all you have to do is "accept jesus into your heart". so, muslims, jews, and any other non-christians... sorry, you're screwed. you're not welcome in heaven. please head to the nearest exit and follow the signs straight to hell. yeah, god DOES discriminate based on where you live and what you were taught. sucks for the kids born into remote tribes in south america. they obviously should have known better. by the way... how did colton's sister get into heaven? did her 8 week fetus-self do some soul cleansing while she was in the womb? (i refuse to believe a loving god would condemn people who don't believe exactly the same way as others... how could we ever know which way is correct? and how could god hold "not knowing" against us?)


okay- we found heaven. we are not muslim, jews, or fetuses. we're in! now what? i guess you get to hang out with all your dead relatives. whether you like them or not-they're here for eternity. and they've been waiting for you. they're standing there on a cloud as soon as you're beamed up. they've wasted like 8,000 years of their eternity waiting for you. deeeepressing.

people often tell me that Carli will be waiting for me in heaven. i HATE imagining that. she's waiting? AND time moves slower? so even though it's only been a little over a year, it must have felt like 4 years... and she's just a baby. so she's just sitting there waiting for me? what if i don't die for another 50 years? that's so sad. no, i don't like imagining that she's waiting for me. it just makes me want to hurry up and get there.


but that brings me to the next aspect colton tells us about heaven. Carli isn't a baby. according to colton, no one is old in heaven and no one is a baby. we are all perpetually in our late 20's. except for babies that die. they get to be little kids forever. so, Carli is probably about 10. also, no one in heaven wears glasses. i happen to think my parents look strange without glasses. and i think my dad would be very unhappy without his glasses. he  has worn glasses since he was about 4 years old... and when he dies, jesus is going to take his glasses?! how rude.

my overall impression of the book is that it's crap. i think it's a little too convenient that the heaven colton visits matches up exactly with his (evangelical pastor!) dad's views. plus, colton was 3 when this happened. ask a 3 year old what they did 2 days ago, and they won't remember. how can he remember every tiny detail months and years later? ummm... maybe he's making it up as he goes? 

to illustrate this point to Ray, i called Lillie in. "Lillie... what did you do last month?" Lillie says "i was just singing justin bieber! because i know the songs, but i am NOT justin bieber!!!" okay. thank you, Lillie. Lillie is 5. her thoughts are (believe it or not) much more coherent now than they were 2 years ago. at age 3, we could have asked her what she did the day before and a likely response would have been "why for to i like bananas?" then again... maybe colton is a genius child, and is way more knowledgeable than any other 3 year old i've ever dealt with. because that's more likely than being fed a bunch of BS by his pastor-dad. 

one final thing i didn't like was the dramatization. he writes frequently about how miserable his family was during the miscarriage and colton's surgery. he portrays it as pretty much the worst thing parents could go through. did i mention colton had appendicitis? it wasn't leukemia- it was appendicitis!!(by the way, why didn't Ray get to visit heaven during his appendectomy??) and the miscarriage was at 8 weeks. i'm not saying these aren't traumatic things... but there are much worse things parents can go through. there are even worse things than what i have been through. it was all just dramatized a little too much for my liking.


but how did the family pull through those hard times? because god loved them. that's why he saved colton. he loved colton and his family so much, he decided to spare colton's life. soooo... why didn't god love me enough to save Carli? grr- i hate those god-explanations. colton survived because he had appendicitis. honestly, who does die from appendicitis anymore?

my ultimate interpretation of this book is that it is evangelical religious propaganda spit through the mouth of a child. they claim he knows things he could not know... but in reality, it is all very likely he heard the information at church, or around the house... even if they didn't tell him directly. the book disgusts me.


my heaven is a place where most people are accepted, because God is forgiving. it doesn't matter how you believe; only that you believe. i don't know how Carli fits into heaven... i try not to think too much about that. maybe i will see her. maybe i won't. i just hope she isn't waiting for me. i can't stand the thought of one of my children just waiting for several decades while their mom is nowhere to be found. depressing. and what if i never make it there? will she be alone forever? eternally waiting for me?