anatomy scan... again!

my ob asked at my last appointment if i had an anatomy scan with my old doctor. i have answered this question at every single appointment since i moved here. yes, i had an anatomy scan. two of them, actually. this time, i told the doctor "yes, i had one. and i had a follow up one, for a second look at her heart. but, i'm guessing it got lost, since i answer this question every time i'm here. can we just do another one?"


today, i had another anatomy scan. of course, i was nervous all day. i was so nervous, i made myself sick. i hate when i do that. i just had all these horrible thoughts that they were going to say "your baby has developed hydrops" or "your baby's ___________ didn't develop correctly." i'm always paranoid, so my worries are nothing new. ray kept telling me that i would see that everything was fine, and i would feel much better.


oh, i wish that were the case. we got to the hospital, got checked in, and sat down to wait. the ultrasound technician came to get me, and paused when ray got up to follow. she said that they don't usually allow dads in the room, and if he went in, he would have to sit in the corner. he was not allowed to see the ultrasound screen, and neither was i. how strange is that?


so, all my "seeing everything was fine" went out the window. i had to lay flat on my back (ouch!!!) for 45 minutes, while she did the scan, and quietly talked to a student ultrasound tech. i couldn't see the screen. i switched back and forth between trying to study her face for looks of concern and trying to ignore everything going on. i just wanted to know my baby is healthy. i didn't get that.


the tech told us she couldn't tell us anything, because she's not a doctor. she wouldn't even tell us how big Eden is, or if the due date is still the same. what kind of torture is this place? why the hell can't she give us basic information!?! my old ultrasound place wasn't allowed to give a diagnosis either, but they would at least tell me if everything looked healthy to them, or if there was a need to worry. the best words i ever heard were from that lovely tech back home: "this baby does not have hydrops". i just wanted to hear that again. i don't care whose nose she has, or how she's laying. i want to know she's going to survive.


i did hear a few of the things she whispered to the student. such as "we have to do these measurements because if the head and abdomen don't match up, there could be a problem" and "see this? if the skin doesn't look normal, it could mean a number of things". are you freaking kidding me?!? DO THEY MATCH? DOES HER SKIN LOOK NORMAL?


these are some pretty heavy questions for someone who is worried about hydrops. if Eden had hydrops, her stomach would be bigger than her head, and her skin would be swollen (a "halo effect" on the ultrasound). these are things i NEED to know. but, she couldn't tell us. i have to wait for my doctor to call... IF he calls. i may not know anything until my next appointment (a week and 2 days away).


i'm furious. not only about the stupid rules, but about the added worry they are putting me through. she could have discussed things with the student after i left. she didn't need to make it sound like "well there may or may not be a problem... i can't tell you".


please, God, let me be overreacting. she's healthy. i have no reason to worry. right?


oh, the tech did print some pictures for us (i'll post them soon). they're cute pictures, and all that... but i would gladly trade them for a little info on the health of my baby.