a day of doctor visits

i had a doctor's appointment today. i had planned on taking Lillie to the babysitter, going to my appointment, then enjoying a few hours to myself before work. but, Lillie rarely lets me stick to my plans.


she has been complaining of a sore throat for a few days. i kept telling her she was fine, and it would go away soon. well... for some reason, about 30 minutes before my appointment, i decided to look in her mouth, and see what her throat looked like. i have never seen a throat that swollen in my entire life! and, her tonsils looked a little... um... discolored. i won't even discuss the smell coming out of her mouth. it was so bad, i brushed her teeth 3 times trying to make it stop. finally, i just called the doctor and made an appointment for a few hours after mine. (and when i told her she had to go see her doctor she cried and said "what is wrong with me?!?")


my appointment went well. nothing out of the ordinary happened. the doctor measured my belly, and then gave Lillie the doppler to find Eden's heartbeat. she was super excited about that. everything is looking and sounding good. full term on saturday!! woo hoo!!


so then, we had lunch with ray, before Lillie's appointment. sometime while i was eating, a random though crossed my mind. my brother-in-law had a bad sore throat once. he went to the doctor, and found out he had leukemia. he died about 4 months later. "oh my god! Lillie might have leukemia!" i didn't say anything, but literally started to feel sick with worry. i couldn't even finish my food. and even though i was telling myself that i was being irrational, i could not stop thinking about it.


so, we got to Lillie's appointment. once we finally got to see the doctor, he asked a few questions. he seemed to think there wasn't anything majorly wrong with Lillie. her heart and lungs sounded fine. no congestion. no abnormal swollen lymph nodes. then he looked at her throat. his eyes got huge, and he turned to me and said "wow- that is impressive. that's bad. can she still drink fluids?"


he gave her a cup of water, which she took small sips, and swallowed VERY slowly. he said he didn't know exactly what was wrong. her strep test was negative. his main concern is keeping her hydrated, since it looks like she won't be able to swallow. he also discovered that she has an ear infection, that she hadn't even been complaining about. she told him her ear didn't hurt. but, he says it's a bad infection. very strange.


so, now she's on antibiotics for the ear infection, and whatever is going on in her throat. he says it is probably not contagious, since she doesn't have a fever. and, if it is contagious, it won't be after 48 hours on the antibiotics. that's a relief. i don't want anyone else to get whatever she has. surprisingly, though... she says she feels "fine" and has been in a pretty good mood all day.

so, i called ray after the appointment to let him know how it went. in the middle of my explaining, he said "ya know what's weird? i told dan about Lillie's sore throat..." he kept going, but in my head all i was hearing was "... and his cousin had the same weird symptoms, and they found out it was leukemia."  but, no... it was just that dan's son had the same thing, and the ear infection without pain too. sooo... no one seems to think it's leukemia. i am, in fact, being irrational and completely paranoid. it's exhausting.


the worst part? i still keep wondering if one of my kids might have some life threatening disease that's lurking around waiting to snatch them away from me. i hate this feeling.