wtf, mom?

i got to go home for a few days, and the trip was very much needed. i start to miss my family a lot when i haven't seen them. then, i go see them, and remember why i'm glad i don't have to see them everyday. no one can get on my nerves quite like my family. i love them. really. but, it's better to visit in small doses.


on saturday, my dad got mad at my brother (which i'll discuss in another post) and he left to go visit his parents' graves. to "think" i guess. i asked my mom if it was weird for her to not have a grave to visit for her dad, as he was cremated. her mom is still alive, but is planning to donate her body to medical research- so she won't have a grave either. then my mom went into this big long discussion about how she never wants to be cremated, because cremation seems so wrong. she said "you're burning your family. just setting them on fire. i don't want to be burned!" did she forget we had Carli cremated? um... obviously not.


then she went into this discussion about how she tried to talk me out of cremating Carli. i remember when she did that, and it was after the funeral home had picked up Carli's body, and taken it to be cremated. it's not like i had the guy's cell number, and could stop him. 

so, then she started explaining all the free burial services the local graveyard has, and how we could get a tiny casket. i said "if we had buried Carli here, i would have never been able to move. i can't leave my baby somewhere." she said "that's understandable... but we are here. she wouldn't be alone." what about when i'm 80, and all my family is gone? who would put flowers on her grave? besides, even if my family is in WV... i can't leave my baby behind. 

she argued with me back and forth on reasons why i could have buried Carli. as if i could go back and do that now? i don't know what her point was. Carli is already cremated. i can't undo it. all she was doing was upsetting me. so, i just let the conversation drop. 

on sunday, we went to church. my mom saw someone she knew, and the lady asked "how many grandchildren do you have now?" my mom replied, "i'm expecting number 13 around october 1st." no. just no. she is not "number 13". she's 14. CARLI COUNTS!!! 


my mom has proved several times that she doesn't include Carli. i don't confront her about it, because i don't care to hear her arguments (and my mom loves to argue). i'm kind of glad i didn't have Carli buried in WV, because... would they have even cared? would they have remembered to visit her? to bring flowers? 

then, at the same time... i wonder if burying her would have allowed my family to feel closer to her. if they had a place to visit, would she seem real? would she count?


cremation was definitely best for us. Ray and i are satisfied with our decision. i just wonder what would have been better for other people... not that it matters. we are her parents. i just wonder, you know?