emails

when i first heard the word "hydrops" i wanted to find and read everything i could about it. within a few days, i knew all about the causes, tests, treatments, and prognosis. the one thing i couldn't find is an actual person to talk to (or message with). the hydrops communities were like graveyards. literally. memorials to dead babies. no recent posts. a mother would post in a frantic search for connections and information... their baby would die... and they would desert the board. the few people i did find were mothers of survivor babies... and they weren't much help either.



i have made it a point to put my contact information "out there" in relation to hydrops so people can find me and/or my blog. if they need information; if they have questions; if they just want to talk... i'm here. from time to time i get an email from a mom who has just received news about hydrops. i tell them what i know. i offer support. i do what i can.


yesterday's email was a first. and, if you're the mom who wrote me this email... thanks for checking out my blog (a little too late). anyway, this lady emailed to tell me about her 14 month old daughter who was diagnosed with hydrops at 30 weeks. she wanted to know what developmental delays i had encountered as a result of my baby's hydrops.


areyoufuckingserious?! is this a cruel joke?


first of all, lady, if you had taken the time to read my story or even look at the information in my post, you wouldn't have a mouthful of your own foot right now. i think it's a double punch in the gut that her hydrops baby is 14 months old. Carli would be about that age if she had survived and been born around her due date. 


i wanted to write her back and tell her about Carli's developmental delays. developmentally speaking, her lungs never grew. her heart is no longer beating. she never weighed over 2 pounds. she doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep, she doesn't cry. we won't even get to the walking and talking... because she can't do that either. 


instead i wrote her back and told her i was happy her daughter beat hydrops (i really am) and that i wouldn't be much help with the developmental delays, because my daughter was stillborn. i told her what i had read from other survivor moms, and told her where to find more information. i wished her luck, and that was it. 


if she has read the email, she is probably still picking sock fuzz out of her teeth. (foot in mouth... get it?) and i hate that i make people feel that way. the death of my daughter is always one big awkward moment waiting to happen. how many kids do you have? 4. where's the other one? she was stillborn.  oh... uhhh... i'm sorry... *awkward* 


i more than a little bitter about survivor stories. can you tell? 


it's great the babies beat hydrops. i'm just still upset, and insanely jealous that mine didn't.