life goes on

i hate Carli-related anniversaries. it's not that the dates always get me down. sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. what bothers me is that i'm the only one who notices them. and i don't even care that no one else knows it's the 7th month since her birthday... or one year since my positive pregnancy test (no one would know that except for me anyway). it bothers me that i can't forget like everyone else does.

i don't want to forget Carli, and i don't think that would ever be possible. i'm in no danger of forgetting anything about her short life. i think i relive it at least twice a day, if not more. but, it must be nice to continue through everyday without counting how long it has been since this event or that event. it must be nice to be able to let a baby go when it dies; they have no more birthdays, no more milestones...


only in my head, Carli does. i've already started to think about what i should do on her birthday. maybe it would make me more normal to not do anything at all... just let the day pass, and not mention it. i'm sure if i don't bring it up, no one else will. i'm the only one that remembers.