day six.

how do you answer the question of how many children you have?

i answer honestly. i have 4 children. where i go from that point, depends on the person. 

if it's someone i will never see again, i just leave it at "4 kids. all girls." they don't usually ask anything beyond that. my rule is that if no first names are exchanged, i don't need to share my life story (or even part of it.

unless they ask... then, i just answer questions  honestly.

if it's someone i will probably see again (a co-worker, old friend, neighbor, etc.) i offer a little more information. "i have 4 kids, but our 3rd was stillborn." this sometimes creates and awkward situation. the person usually stumbles a bit, and it feels like i just asked them to swallow a brick. but it's far less awkward then not explaining, and them wondering where that other kid is all the time. 

the alternative is that i don't claim Carli, and that is just not an option.

i have only ran into one problem so far. i worked with autistic children and their families. i had a client's dad ask me if Eden was my first (i was pregnant). i said "she's my 4th" without missing a beat. i was so proud of myself, because that was the first situation i was able to claim Carli. then, he kept asking questions- girls or boys? ages? names? i kind of panicked, because being in a therapist-client relationship... we aren't supposed to share personal details. especially if it's a personal detail that could be emotionally charged. i ducked and avoided his questions for months. and for the only time in my life, i wish i had been more vague about how many children i had. i never did have to explain Carli to him. but- it did create some awkward conversations.